Self Improvment To Change Your Attitude

Think about your attitude. How do you react when someone tells you that you have just done something wrong? Do you find yourself making excuses, or do you have the need to explain yourself when another person suggests that you could have done things differently or better? If you do, then I would suggest that you consider being less defensive.

What is wrong with defending myself?

At first thought, I wouldn't think that there is anything wrong with defending myself, or explaining myself if I feel that I am being misunderstood. If someone has the wrong idea about me or something I said or did, I should set the record straight. Most people would agree with this. But, I would like to suggest that this is not always a good idea.

In any situation, it pays to listen. Sometimes people are so quick to assume that the other person has got them all wrong and they need to correct them immediately. This often leads to emotional reactions, interrupting the other person, and not fully understanding what they are getting at. In essence, a perfectly harmless comment, or a healthy dose of constructive criticism can go unheard or misunderstood. If you cut off the person speaking in order to make your point, how do you know if your point is really relevant?

Another reason why being overly defensive is harmful is because you are missing an opportunity to improve upon yourself.

How can being less defensive improve me?

If you can keep quiet long enough for someone else to offer their opinion, you will be more approachable. People will be more comfortable talking to you, not just about you, but also about other things. The problem that occurs when you are extremely defensive, is that people quickly learn that you are narrow-minded and aren't willing to listen to what they have to say. You might not consider yourself to be narrow minded on issues that don't relate directly to you, but people will get that impression anyway.

You can also improve yourself through being less defensive because you will finally hear other perspectives. Believe it or not, other people have good ideas. Not everyone who suggests a change to you is out to get you or put you down. As a matter of fact, the majority of the time, the person offering the advice cares about you, and wants to help you improve. As you let your guard down, just a little, you will find that some of the things people say are right, and you have things to work on. Being aware of what needs changing is the first step to becoming a better you.

So, I shouldn't defend myself at all?

I am not saying that you should let anyone and everyone say whatever they want to say about you. That is extreme passivity, and essentially the opposite problem. Let's not go to the other extreme. It is still impolite to cut people off, but if someone is making derogatory or slanderous comments about you, there is no reason to sit there and take it. Other times people are simply overly critical and don't know how to leave well enough alone. In those cases you can safely ignore it.

When it comes to things being said behind your back, if it is a supposed friend, you should discuss it privately with them. If an enemy is doing it, let your reputation speak for itself. If a bunch of people who don't know you approach you about it, just be honest and don't get emotional. If you keep your composure and calmly speak the truth, they can take it or leave it. In the end, what they think doesn't really matter.

If you sense that the words being spoken to you or about you are ill intentioned, keep your guard up. When someone that cares about you is offering advice, or even criticism, it is for your own good to shut up and listen. In the end, you will become a better you.